Dr visit, farrell's update, changes

Sooo I just got out of a dr’s appt. She has me come in every couple of months for weight & blood pressure checks, and she politely chewed me out lol. My blood pressure is fine… with medication anyway. However, I mentioned before that I had gained weight the first couple of weeks of Farrell’s. I also just haven’t been real great this year on actually losing weight.

I told her about Farrell’s, and the nutrition program, and etc. She was happy about the whole less processed more whole grain & natural part, but she isn’t happy about the weight gain, my fun day, or the number of calories & carbs I’m consuming per meal. She says 43 is too high, and she’d rather see me cut that by a minimum of 10-15 per meal. She wants me to give up my fun day, annnnnd she more or less told me she would prefer I be on a 1200-1500 calorie diet, not an 1,800 – 2,100 calorie diet. She isn’t against carbs by any means; she just thinks I need a lower amount.

The real problem here is lat time I went in for weight & blood pressure checks I weighed 262. Which is all well and good, but I gained 2 lbs. She is very concerned about the effects of my obesity & etc on my heart.

I admit right now and up front last week was NOT my best week. I substituted Pizza one day for two meals (equated out to 3 pieces). I had jelly beans for one meal, & went out for tacos another day… and well I have had the raving munchies all week and did almost nothing but eat on Saturday. Well, okay we did a lot of running around too, but I ate waaay too much. It was weird it was like I couldn’t stop eating even when I was full. I just kept munching. It was completely stupid and I justified it by “I can” & “It’s my fun day”. Well that’s pretty stupid justification. Looking back on it even though I didn’t go completely mad on my calories at any point last week (excluding Saturday), I really didn’t deserve my “fun day”. I mean yessss I did maintain about a 1,000 calorie deficit every day… but I ate things I just shouldn’t have end of story. I also guestimated for the tacos soooo I could be off there.

I did get through week 3 of Farrell’s. I missed Monday because I was sick, but did attend all other 5 days. Wed & Friday’s cardio classes were just brutal. I’m not sure why, but they were. They are ramping up what we’re doing, and I leave wanting very little other than to crawl into bed or fall down.. whichever comes first. BUT I’m doing it, and so far I’m really glad I go every day. It’s pretty fun, and every time I accomplish something small it’s a total victory for me. I like victories!

So anyway back to the Dr thing. I’m not sure I’m supposed to actually haggle with my Dr, but I’m okay fighting for what I agree with and don’t agree with. I just don’t think I can manage to stick to 1,200 calories. End of story. SOOO we debated and agreed that I would stick to a 1,400 – 1,700 calorie diet all week, and that my “fun” day would not be a free for all pig out. She really would have preferred I limit my fun day to once a month & one bad meal & snack a week. At least she also acknowledges I’ll work with her if she compromises as opposed to completely ignoring her. She loaded me up on pamphlets and nutrition advice and told me to make another appointment in 2-3 months. She says I really need to work on my progress… which I agree with being as I’ve more or less had none this year, and she wants me to bring my BodyMedia reports next time. She already knows I have a hormone imbalance caused by PCOS and obesity (she says the obesity is a factor for the PCOS too). Sooo she wants to test my thyroid yet again and run another hormone panel if I haven’t had improvement.

Mostly though she just thinks I am eating too much. She thinks the Farrell’s thing is a good thing, but warned me to take good care of my joints. She knows I have issues with my knees. She thinks overall the kickboxing will be good and actually strengthen the muscles around my joints and help with some of my joint issues.

The interesting part is she’d really like me to get down to my goal weight, but she really wants me to get to 190 or less. She says the affect on many of my health issues and would really like to make sure I get out of the obese category. She more or less stated being simply overweight isn’t as detrimental to my health as being obese.

So yeah, she more or less politely smacked me over the head, and told me to kick in gear. I can’t say as I don’t agree with her, even if I do think I’ve kicked it into gear. I feel like I’m working my butt off darn it. BUT as usual food is a problem with me. I have denied being a food addict for well… a very long time. I’m starting to think if that’s self delusion though. OR if it’s more a combination of food addition and a desire not to change my lifestyle. I like to go out to eat. I like to eat things that aren’t good for me. I crave carbs & cheese on a pretty regular basis. Sugar less so, but still occurs. It’s like I get a food in my head and it won’t go away sometimes. Cheese dip & chips for example is a big one for me. Or should I say it’s one I crave pretty frequently & will go overboard on given half a chance.

I was watching Heavy this weekend. Some of the stuff those people were going through in their therapy sessions, or talked about kind of scared me because I could completely relate. It was sounding way too familiar for any type of comfort. I mean I wasn’t abused as a child, I didn’t have a son or parent die tragically, or well really anything traumatic. I can narrow down when I started to gain weight though. I started to gain weight after I got off Phenobarbital when I was 13. I then gained a ton more weight when I stopped being active / gave up horses. I started eating way more though after I got off Phenobarbital.

So maybe I do need to re-learn my relationship with food. It’s hard though when it’s something that I so ingrained in everything people do. I mean it’s not like I’m going to change my family traditions. Let’s face it those are what they are. The other part is I REALLLY need to get better at planning and not hating the kitchen. I’ve gotten better, but I’m not exactly Betty Crocker.

When I started off this lifestyle change I knew it would encompass a lot of things, but I wonder if I actually really realized just how many things have to change for success to occur long term.